2 days ago, I woke up with a heavy heart. Usually, when I sulk over something the night before, I usually wake up feeling gloomy. This day however, I had no sad thoughts on mind the night before. Not particularly.
A friend of mine was getting on my nerves and I had been trying my possible best to avoid any form of argument with her. My only reaction to her attitude was that I wasn’t paying her any attention whatsoever. She knew i wasn’t pleased with her and so she stayed on her lane too, not willing to discontinue her actions that got me on the edge. As I forgot to set an alarm and turned in late, I didn’t wake up early. This friend whom I wasn’t on good terms with, was the one who woke me for sahur. I wouldn’t have felt bad if she had woken everyone; as it wasn’t just me she wasn’t on good terms with, but she woke only me. That realization made me feel worse. I didn’t know how, but I felt like a real bad person.
As if that was not enough, the thoughts of the Syrians and the rest of the Muslim world under oppression filled my head. I was just thinking of them as i got off bed and moved around. I had sahur in a low spirit that day and there you go my reader. Your guess is just right. It was the major factor that prompted the poem I posted the other day!!!
Contrary to my penitent feeling the day before, I woke up happy yesterday. Unlike some people, I am not a person who wakes up edgy but being happy? I am just usually normal. No highs no lows. I was however happy yesterday and it bothered me. I didn’t sleep with a sweet thought on my mind. I didn’t speak with any close/old pal or fam right before bed and sahur wasn’t enough reason to be amused. Besides, it was as I hot out of bed, right before I even started doing anything.
I searched my heart for a while and then let go. I told myself I didn’t need to bother unnecessarily if I couldn’t figure out why I was happy. After making my meal, and all other activities necessary, I sat to eat and the same thing that crossed my mind while I was preparing sahur crossed it again. Why do you feel joyous Aisha? And you know what? After some spoons of the meal I figured out what it was.
Since the commencement of ramadhan I have been experiencing some sort of discomfort or the other. Maybe not discomfort, but allow me to use the word. I have classes on the first days of every week from 10 till six! I have group works and strenuous assignments and by the time I returned, I would have been worn out. Sometimes, I just call my parents and act like a child so they can help me laugh it off or give me assuring words. It’s not been easy 😂😰. However, since the 11th I have been getting stronger and used to the game. My body system was adjusting better and I had to step up my spirituality. Though I used to read Quran less often as I was tired majority of the time, I was getting better.
That night before yesterday , I had a headache and decided to rest before ishaa, but it seemed as though I was going to sleep off. I decided to observe ishaa and then turn in once and for all; immediately after ishaa. As I prayed, I decided to be a bit patient and recite a page if the Quran before a sleep. “Just a page and you can rest your head” I thought. And that I did. I recited a page and then another until I raked through a juuz. The headache hadn’t gone but I let myself stay up with the Quran patiently. Then, Snooooze!
I figured out as I ate that the Quran I read the previous night had filtered my heart. It was what made me feel delighted for no reason. If it were something else, I would have known the instance I awoke but it never occurred to me that it could have been the Quran. Subhanallah! How less we think of Kalamu-llah! Asni marveled at the realization, I made a mental note to make my #Day14 out of it and here we are! I hope you pick a lesson or two from it. i.e.
√ in your relationship with people, always be the better one.
√ let Qur’an help restore joy into your heart
Sorry I can’t elaborate 😴😴😇
“…verily in the remembrance of Allah, do heart find rest.” Quran 13: 28.
#RamadhanDiaries #NanaBee #Day14